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Updating Our Relationships

In the course of every healing journey, there comes a time when we need to step bravely into the fullness of who we are by breaking habitual ways of behaving in relationships, especially familial relationships.  I call it, “updating our relationship.”

A colleague of mine discovered this recently on a family visit to see her eldest brother, Jake.  He is the oldest of three children.  My colleague is the youngest.  Jake is a hard-working and devoted teacher, who expects a lot from his students and the people around him.  He loves to command center-stage and be the focus of attention.  Over the years, my colleague has often been the “audience” – the good listener and supporter, chasing after his affection and approval.

On a recent visit, as her brother went into full lecture mode, my colleague noticed every fiber in her being needing to speak and no longer stay silent.  She found herself sharing her perspective, to the consternation of her brother, who became defensive and almost angry when my colleague spoke her opinion.

Rather than back down, my colleague stayed firm though made clear she was speaking out of her own experience, not offering advice or criticism. Her brother, clearly did not like or appreciate this change in my colleague.  Yet rather than get angry at his response, she remained firm, seeing him with compassion while staying true to her own sense of power and authenticity.

Her skills from Healing from the Core, allowed her to stay within herself, yet keep an open heart and clear sight, when it came to her brother.

Yes, there comes a time when we need to update our relationships to reflect who we have become versus who others expect us to be.   We can do so while remaining strongly rooted to ourselves while still staying in connection with our loved ones, in a new, more authentic way.

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